The story below is satire and was written for April Fool’s Day 2024.

As a senior who is graduating in about two months, I’d say that I have a pretty good idea of the teachers at Wahconah, or at the very least the teachers that I’ve had or worked with in certain projects. A certain teacher I had in junior year named Mr. Oliva made my life so much harder in so many ways that I kept a list and would often update it. Below is the list of why his class is honestly the worst and why you should never take it. 

1. All the homework that he’d assign
   1. Often assigning hours of homework every night due the next day with hard and fast deadlines
   2. Gives zeroes if you couldn’t hand in a complete assignment
2. Grading policy
   1. Every single test everyone would fail, without a doubt. 
   2. Before each test he’d pick someone from random and if they failed to answer his impossible question he’d subtract points from every test taken that day. 
   3. When spending hours and hours on a poster, if there was a misspelling he’s rip it in half
3. How he handled in class debates
   1. Whenever we’d have debates, he would give us the topic but tell us that we were on our own after that. If you dared to ask him a question clarifying the assignment or not, he’d ask if that was a smart question or not. He’d spend the next week sitting behind his desk on his phone while yelling at kids to get off of theirs. 
4. Absences
   1. If you had to be dismissed from class, he’d give you double the amount of work to make up and then mark it late the next day when you’d hand it in. 
5. Late policy
   1. If you hand something in 0.01 seconds late, he will count the assignment as a zero and mark you as absent for the day. 
6. Bathroom passes
   1. Every single time you asked to leave the classroom, he’d correct your grammar and say “may I go to the bathroom?” 
7. In class issues
   1. Every time he’d see me drawing in his class, he’d stop class to point out how I wasn’t listening. 
8. Mr. Oliva is a terrifying human being
   1. He’ll give you a detention for not looking him directly in the eyes. 
   2. He’ll turn you into stone if you look him directly in the eyes. 
   3. Not only that, but I see him everyday walk down stairs and cut the lunch line just to show how much better and smarter he is than all the students. /jk

Honestly, thank you so much Mr. Oliva for being such a great teacher and for overall letting me write this article about you! Take his class 100000%!